It’s funny how we get older and return to our childhood. The older I get the more I reach down into my upbringing for it to tell me who I am.
I just got back from my second adult workshop with the San Francisco Ballet School, and who would have known I’d want to take seriously the thought of dancing as a profession? Crazy, right? It’s not what I went to school for. And it certainly hasn’t been my full-time gig up to this point. But if you knew me growing up you’d be there for the annual sprints down the basement hallways of the Shubert Theater, glittered in costume and painted with pretty makeup. You’d feel my jittery exhilaration as I stood in the dark wings of the stage before leaping out onto a platform sprayed with lights.
You would know what feeling of euphoria it is to be a performer.
I’ve found in recent years that there are few other places that I am free to recreate myself. To transform. To express. On stage I am almost always someone else. An inner self, perhaps.
Just before the workshop and having my realizations confirmed, I had an emotional breakdown at my job. The pressures of rigidity and confinement were too much for someone who, as you can now tell, thrives in spaces of passion and creativity. I was throwing a fit at what felt like my being a caged animal. I was frustrated with my purpose just not moving along fast enough.
Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
– Psalm 46:10
All I needed was a break. One week. And a week that happened to move by verrry slowly. Where I took my time getting dressed and eating breakfast. Drinking coffee. Where I indulged in my surroundings in San Francisco (even the not-so-pleasant ones like in the Tenderloin). Where I made it a point to smile often.
Now I realize there is time to bring dreams to life. There is time to linger. There is time for planning, and eventually, time for execution.
I’m carrying that mentality with me into the new week, and remembering it especially when temptations arise to hustle-and-bustle and to overwork. I’m keeping the big picture in mind; and that is that Jesus came that I would have life, and have it more abundantly. For the joy that is His salvation, I can cling to my peace, and to my hope.
looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.
– Hebrews 12:2-3 NKJV
Do you have an art form? How are you pressing on?
Have a blessed Sunday night!